Skip to main content

I CAN'T MAKE THIS UP

"What's the name of that color you have on your lips? What is your make-up routine" Listen, the only make-up routine I have, is to hurry up and do the basics before I go to work in the morning and usually put my lipstick on in the car because I haven't eaten yet. Ya'll know I wake up at the last minute and eat breakfast on the way, I likes my sleep.

For the past few years there's been this whole make-up craze going on. I mean there are YouTube tutorials, Instagram pages and entire careers dedicated to just doing make-up. I have to say, I have been very impressed and I have also learned a lot. There are so many different ways to apply so many different types of make-up. But let me tell ya'll something, I don't have time for all of that. I see women putting themselves through a 20 step routine every single day. Meanwhile, I'm sitting over here like, "what the hell does contour mean?". Don't get me wrong, when I'm getting ready for a night on the town, I will absolutely call my sister-in-law to put like 5 different color eye shadows on my eyes so that I can look grown and sexy, but for an every day thing, just get me a good moisturizer and some foundation that won't break me out. Ya'll can keep them fake lashes that look like bird feathers too. Like, how do you see girl? Dang.

I look at the 14 and 15 year old girls of today, and they look my age and older with all of this make-up. When I was that age, I was still learning how to walk in heels, asking my daddy to take me to the mall, and learning how to shop for bra. These little girls are already in Victoria Secret lingerie and got more booty pictures on the internet than Kim K. Where is my belt? Ya'll need to learn.

I guess I was never really the girly girl type. I never played in my mom's make-up, I felt weird even wearing it for dance recitals, I always wanted sneakers instead of heels and yoga pants instead of dresses. I wasn't doing nan yoga either. Ya'll, I just started having a make-up routine and wearing heels two weeks ago. Just kidding, I been getting sexy longer than that.

Look, it's already enough that I have to do my hair. Now ya'll got me watching YouTube videos and playing in make-up on Saturday nights hoping that somebody call and ask me to go somewhere so people can see me. It's sure is expensive being a girl.

Meanwhile, dudes are just out here sexy as hell with a 20 dollar haircut. I hate ya'll.

-BRIT

 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN

"I need a break." I have to say, I have been finding the internet to be exceptionally entertaining and funny lately. I'm always cracking up at someone's Instagram post, a meme on Facebook, or some random footage from Twitter. But then, there's the negativity, which is extremely draining. Y'all, I don't care how bad things get in my life, please, please, please, don't let me get on the internet arguing with people that don't have a profile picture and misspelling stuff trying to send a subliminal message to my man. Just... take my phone... okay? Photo: Stephen Nitz When I broke up with my last boyfriend, which was in the year 1802, I purposely took a short break from social media. I was upset and when I'm upset, like most folk, I have a tendency to make that apparent. I'd found myself clapping back at someone on social media once before and I was like "Britney girl, what you doin'? Ain't that why you got a blog?...

BRIT AIN`T JUST FUNNY

"So are you scared to kiss?" Guys, I`m the most awkward actress when it comes to love scenes. I know what you're thinking. "You're a comedic actress, why are you doing love scenes?", the answer is, because I`m sexy and desirable and dudes want to kiss me on camera. No seriously, I do a lot more than comedy. Making people laugh just happens to be one of my strong points. I am always open to more serious roles and I can do a pretty good job, if I say so myself! I've played everything from an old lady, to an old man, to a sexy new girl on the job (that was back when I could still fit them Abercrombie jeans). Oh my gosh y'all, let me tell you about the first time I had to kiss a guy on stage. First of all, I had a crush on him to begin with. My teacher grouped us together on purpose and gave us a scene as husband and wife. Our first day of rehearsal he asks me, "So are you scared to kiss?" In the back of my head I'm like "Yeah, we ...

DON`T LET IT GET TO YA

"After today, I`m deleting my page" Man sit your ass down (dude off of Martin voice). We all know that you're gonna be right back here next week telling us about how you're letting go of the fake people in your life, your boyfriend getting on your nerves, these girls be tripping or posting that pointless selfie of you in the bed. I see that junkie room behind you. You could of at least folded that laundry first. Okay I get it. We all need a little social media detox every now and then. Even me. It seems like people have become numb to seeing horrible images of fighting, killing, violence and hate being displayed right in their news feeds. Its sickening. And then there`s the booty pictures. Yes, we all have some saved in our camera roll but that doesn't mean you have to post it. Mam, don't look at me like that, I know you took a booty picture and sent it to your husband while he was at the office. Y'all nasty. I often find myself desiring that detox as ...