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WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

" Hey, you at home? Cause I'm outside" Why do people do this? Now, if I come to the door in my drawls and t-shirt, I'm wrong. You don't know what I got going on in here. You can't just decide that you gone pop up at my house because you happen to be in the neighborhood. I will peek out the window, make eye contact with you and go on about my business, until you learn how to call somebody first. Nah, maybe I'm not that petty, but I will act like I`m not home because most likely, I am in my drawls and t-shirt. What? Don't act like you don't do it too.

Okay I hear you, sometimes, it may be an emergency. Like, you may be running from someone or something, maybe you have to use the restroom really badly and my house is closer than yours, maybe your car ran out of gas up the street and you walked here, and maybe while all of this was happening, your phone died. Hey, I'm just examining all of the possibilities as to why you on my porch and I haven't received a call or text from you. Believe it or not, all of these thoughts run through my head before I open my door to let you in. That's IF I let you in. I need you to be outside looking real worried and frazzled to let me know that you're in some type of danger or something. Because if you just out there cheesing looking all calm, cool and collected like you don't have a care in the world, I'm gonna go back to taking my nap.

I just don't get it. With all of the technology in the world, texts, emails, social network apps, you still didn't think to contact me before you showed up? Okay, so let's just say you're not in any danger at all, you're just in the neighborhood and decided to come say hello. I let you in and then your tail act like you don't know when to leave. 20 minutes tops, dude. That's all you get. Because I was probably about to start cooking before you got here. If I start cooking now, you gone think you're invited to dinner. Now ya'll know I don't like to share and it ain't enough. I like to just know that there are going to be left overs. Like, what if I want to pack the rest for lunch? I can't have you cutting into my meals like that.

Look, the only time that's cute, is if your bringing me cake, you're a sexy dude bringing me flowers and cake, you're bringing wine, you're a sexy dude bringing me wine or you're just a sexy dude. Either way, you better know when to go home. Don't make me call a Uber for you.

-BRIT

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