Britney Annice

September 24, 2008. For a long time, this was a sad day for me. Year after year, I made it a point to come home and be with my mother on this day no matter where I was. After a while, life wouldn't allow me to always share this day with family or even go to the cemetery to speak to my daddy. When I wasn't around family to talk about him or to visit him, I felt like I wasn't doing enough to acknowledge him because I never want him to be forgotten. But who was I kidding? If you EVER met Laster Douglas, that is a meeting that you will always remember. Y'all, my daddy was hella extra. Today marks seven years that I've lost him in his physical presence, but he continues to live in my heart. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think of him and some of the ridiculous stuff that he used to say. I`m pretty sure my dad was a stand up comedian in a previous life. My mother is more of the laid back type. So, that makes me a perfect mix between the two.

" #GymLife " Okay we get it, you work out. Fit is the new fabulous. Yes, your meal prep dishes are beautiful. We see you, checking in at the gym every night. That's awesome. Working out is good for you. I`m happy that you are in tune with your body and living a healthy lifestyle. However, I just had a really rough day and I`m about to go indulge in a box of a dozen different types of donuts. No, I haven't been to the gym today, nor do I plan on working out. I`m just gonna go home, eat these donuts, and blog about how I hate working out and you better not say nothing about it. I've never really been the type to work out. I've been pretty active off and on throughout my life so I never had a desire to go to the gym. In 6th and 7th grade I got into sports. I played volleyball, which I really enjoyed, and basketball, which was fun, minus all that running back and forth on the court. I also danced from the age of 10 to 18. I actually thought that I was going to h

"You don't have kids yet? That`s rare." I`m 26, never been married, engaged, or even close, why is that so rare? In my opinion, I`m just getting started with my own life. Okay maybe not JUST getting started but I`m still in my prime. Like, I`m working on myself. Look, I just don't have the money for any extra people, okay? Ive reached the age where I`m starting to see many of my peers in my news feeds getting married and having children. Meanwhile, I'm over here stalking this sexy dude on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Myspace. (Don't act like y'all don't remember Myspace.) Marriage is a beautiful thing. I enjoy looking at everyone`s wedding photos and thinking about how I`m going to steal some of those ideas for myself one day. I`m also looking at the groomsmen to see if any of them are sexy. Don't be surprised if I show up to your reception uninvited trying to catch the bouquet. As long as dude doesn't have any kids. Listen, don't g

"Nothing like a man in a suit" You can hear this in most conversations between women. I would have to agree. There is nothing like a man in a suit, a well tailored suit that is. Okay, I know what you might be thinking, here goes Britney being critical of appearance again. But hear me out guys, there`s a way to do everything. Your pants in ya booty or below it, is not the way. I`m not proud of some of the things I did in my earlier years when I was out here thinking that I knew everything. One of those things is dating those guys that, ya know, are a little rough around the edges. Excuse me, A LOT of rough around the edges. Its not that I didn't want to date a nice guy. I actually would like to take all of the guys I've dated and wrap them up into one big, sloppy, sexy, handsome man. Like, he wears tailored suits during the week, basketball shorts with a hint of sag at night and slightly skinny jeans on Saturdays. I don't know, somewhere on a scale from gangst

"Oh its okay, he`s just friendly, he`s not gonna bite ya" Mam / Sir, why isn't he on a leash? That, my friends, is one of my biggest pet peeves. Just because you love your animal, doesn't mean that I have to love your animal. What do you mean he doesn't bite? Hell, if you make me mad, I might bite. Why would I trust your pet? I have never been one to love on creatures. I never had any pets growing up and I never wanted any. Well, at one point, we did have fish but something about fish tanks creeped me out and my flesh would crawl every time I had to walk past it. I`m not sure why, but it did and it still does. I never wanted to go to the zoo or the aquarium. The only thing I liked about the zoo was seeing the lions. I don't know, I think they remind me of some real OG`s and I respected them. Wouldn't it be gangsta of me to have a pet lion though? I`d want him to talk to me, like in Disney movies. "What you gone cook tonight girl" I want him to

"Attach resume file or upload and populate the fields" Of course, you chose to populate the fields, because you thought that once you did that, you'll be able to just glide through the application. Wrong. They don't populate those fields, and if they do, all of the words are in the wrong places and you have to fix it yourself anyway. I usually just end up throwing my computer against the wall and going to bed. I thought I did the right thing. I graduated from high school, went to college, got my degree and got a full time job as a Toddler teacher in Chicago right after graduation. Let me tell you something, I LOVE kids, but not that much. That job took over my life. I worked long hours and I never had any time to go to auditions. I was miserable because I knew that I wanted to do more. So I moved back home to St. Louis and ended up having 3 jobs at one time just to have some flexibility and make ends meet. It was fun! I didn't have rent to pay, I was traveling a

"Well, I guess I`m gone get on off of here." That line is my go to line for ending phone conversations. When I do that, I`m giving you the cue to go ahead and wrap up this story about how you hate your job. I get it, that`s a never ending story, but I have to be up at 7 AM to go to my crappy job. Yes, I know its 3 PM but I`m just ready to get off the phone. Why y'all so long winded? When I was in high school, I could see my friends all day, pass notes all through class and STILL want to come home and hold conversations with them for the rest of the evening. Now, I cant even remember to text them and let them know I made it in the house safe after a night out. I always get the "Well damn, I hope you're alive" text, after I've been home for two hours, had a shower and watched an old episode of Fresh Prince. Guys, those are the people you want to have in your life. The people that want to get that "I made it home safe" text. If they pull off whe

"After today, I`m deleting my page" Man sit your ass down (dude off of Martin voice). We all know that you're gonna be right back here next week telling us about how you're letting go of the fake people in your life, your boyfriend getting on your nerves, these girls be tripping or posting that pointless selfie of you in the bed. I see that junkie room behind you. You could of at least folded that laundry first. Okay I get it. We all need a little social media detox every now and then. Even me. It seems like people have become numb to seeing horrible images of fighting, killing, violence and hate being displayed right in their news feeds. Its sickening. And then there`s the booty pictures. Yes, we all have some saved in our camera roll but that doesn't mean you have to post it. Mam, don't look at me like that, I know you took a booty picture and sent it to your husband while he was at the office. Y'all nasty. I often find myself desiring that detox as

"So are you scared to kiss?" Guys, I`m the most awkward actress when it comes to love scenes. I know what you're thinking. "You're a comedic actress, why are you doing love scenes?", the answer is, because I`m sexy and desirable and dudes want to kiss me on camera. No seriously, I do a lot more than comedy. Making people laugh just happens to be one of my strong points. I am always open to more serious roles and I can do a pretty good job, if I say so myself! I've played everything from an old lady, to an old man, to a sexy new girl on the job (that was back when I could still fit them Abercrombie jeans). Oh my gosh y'all, let me tell you about the first time I had to kiss a guy on stage. First of all, I had a crush on him to begin with. My teacher grouped us together on purpose and gave us a scene as husband and wife. Our first day of rehearsal he asks me, "So are you scared to kiss?" In the back of my head I'm like "Yeah, we

"Man, you better get on her, you know it`s cuffing season" Are y'all for real? You out here dedicating an entire season to getting you a boo? Okay, I get it, its cold outside, you want someone to cuddle up and stay in the house with you while you whip up that nasty potato salad for Christmas (we don`t want to see those Instagram pictures this year, okay?). Why not look for that year round significant other? Hell, you know that rent is expensive anyway. Just kidding, that`s horrible. Don't just get in a relationship with someone for a second income. It`s nothing wrong with being single during cuffing season. Look at the bright side; you get to spend all of your Christmas money on yourself. You can finally get that big flat screen you wanted with that refund check. You don't have to drive in the snow to go see anybody. You don't have to pretend to like his auntie trifling green beans. And you don't have to worry about trying to find an affordable pair of k