Britney Annice

" You need to post more " " Where are all of your videos " " People like to see, not read " " You need to step outside of your comfort zone " I get it. We live in a generation where most of us have the attention span of a two year old. Who wants to sit there and read four paragraphs of a blog? Who wants to read a paragraph of a status on Facebook? Hell, I don't know too many people who are still willing to sit on the phone for an hour and have a real conversation. What a time to be alive. It's hard being an artist or even a person these days, when you're not really a product of your generation. Let me explain to ya'll what I mean by that. Sit down, I won't keep you long. Let me just say, I get a lot of my "news" from social media just as much as the next person. However, I don't feel the need to comment or post about all of that news. I mean, half of the time, it's not even true.  The prob

" He has potential, give him a chance " " That's a small thing, he'll grow out of it " " You're asking for too much " N ow, if you can remember, a few blogs back, I expressed my disinterest in being a step mama or baby mama. While that is in fact on the top of my list of don'ts, that does not mean that I'm willing to settle for everything else. I know what you're thinking, "Here goes Brit with another one of those girly dating rants" but hear me out, I won't keep you long, sit down. Let me start by saying this, I understand the drought. I know how it feels to go weeks, months, years, without a real date or a relationship. In that time, you grow board, you get lonely and you may even make some bad decisions. However, I think it's important that we stay true to our own desires of our heart and to remember the the things that we will and wont allow in our intimate relationships. After all, we don't want to e

" Hey, why didn't you ask for my help? " " Lets work together soon " " Let me put you in touch with my people " " I'd be more than happy to be a reference for you " F or once in my life, I'd just like to meet some folks that are about their business. You ever heard of that? You know, the people that say what they mean and mean what they say? The ones that make a promise and stick to it? Look, I don't care if you promised to take me out for drinks or to whoop my ass,  either way, you better follow through and be about your business. Don't have me waiting at the bar or in a dark alley with with my fight clothes on and you stand me up. Listen, everyone is not in your corner. In the past year, I've learned that no matter how loyal of a friend, companion, or employee you are, some people just won't reciprocate that same loyalty. That being said, I have become more important to me than anyone else. Now, I'm gonn

" So why did you come back? " "Y ou could have stuck it out " " You glad to be back home? " " What's next? " " You still gone try to do the acting thing? " O ne year, one month, a lot of tears, frustration, job applications, and glasses of wine later, the journey is back on. This time, it's back to Chicago!  Now, if you've been following me for a while, you know all about my story and the journey that lead me to this point. If you're just tuning in, let me help you get caught up. Previously, on Aintbritfunny..... Lived in Chicago 6 years. Graduated college. Got a full time job. Hated the full time job. Got a sublease. Moved back to St. Louis. Got two jobs. Traveled a lot with one of those jobs. Saved money. Bought a car. Saved a lot more money. Packed the car up. Moved to LA. Killed a bunch of roaches. Spent a bunch of money. Cried a bunch of tears. Two months passed. Packed the car up. Moved back to

" You don't have any kids yet ?" " What you waiting on? " " You ain't gone find a brotha that doesn't have kids " O kay ya'll. I'm human. I can admit that I often think about the joy I would feel to bring a little person into this world with my future husband. I try to imagine what the kid would look like with every guy I get close to. (So maybe like 3 dudes) And I try to get close to the ones with good hair so my daughter fro can be poppin and I can do her hair on youtube. Yes, I, Britney Annice, have as many petty tendencies as the next woman. However, at the end of the day, when I get home, it's nice to only have to fix a plate for one person and not help anybody with homework or change any diapers. It's nice just to have nieces and nephews that I can play with and give back. Kids wake up too early for me. I like to roll around in my sleep. The thought of being completely responsible for a human being is scary. What i

" We will be in touch with you after the interview either way " " Hey, why don't I take your number so we can go out sometime? " " Let's make plans for the weekend " L ook, I don't need anybody to sugar coat anything for me. I'm a big girl. I might get mad if I give you money and you waste it on something silly, or if you waste my drank on the floor at the club but, if you waste my time, I can't get that back! Now, its time for me to bust a cap or 17 off up in you. Because now, you playing with my emotions. And ya'll KNOW I'm sensitive. Okay guys, I get it. Sometimes, the truth hurts. It not only hurts to hear the truth but also to speak the truth. You know, like when they ask for your weight on your driver's license and you know good and well you ain't been 120 1bs in 120 years. Or, when your mom asks you if you took the chicken out of the freezer and you KNOW you forgot to do it. Or, when homeboy asks you to sen

" I don't need any help " " I can do it myself " " I don't need nobody " " I'm good " O kay. We get it. You got things under control. You're an exceptional multi tasker. We've seen you juggle life's obstacles all at once. We've also seen you spazz out when it gets to be too much. Maybe you put it in a Facebook status, maybe you've been out drinking more than usual, maybe you've been ignoring your loved ones phone calls, maybe you've been posting pictures with ya booty out. Which is weird, but hey, everyone expresses their stress differently. Listen, I'll be the first to tell ya'll, I HATE ASKING FOR HELP . Ever since I could speak, my favorite quote as a child was " I can do it, I can do it, I can do it my own shelf (self)! " Not sure why I felt the need to repeat myself. Probably because someone who didn't understand me the first time, was trying still trying to help. Sometimes

"You would be cute if you wasn't chubby" "You don't have a wow factor"  "That was a great performance, you just don't have the look we need" "Maybe you should consider another career path besides acting" "You gone be single for hellas" If I listened to all of the things that people said about me, I would have stopped trying a long time ago. Look, as you all know I don't really have a filter. So I'm gonna keep it straight up and down with ya'll. I'm in my 27th year, my waist might be a little thicker, bank account a little thinner but, I've never felt more beautiful, blissful, and ready..... ........to bust a cap in somebody's a** Oh, ya'll thought this was gonna be a sweet little blog post about me turning 27? Come on son, ya'll should know me by now. After a few years and a few experiences on this earth, it's hard not to become old and bitter. The world has it's way of w

" I wanna leave the country " " Dang, they always gone, what kind of money they making? " " When is my bank account gone see the commas and zeros? " H ere we are again, comparing ourselves to our peers while watching them live their lives on social media. Guys, how many times do I have to remind you? That's not healthy. I once heard someone say, "Comparison is the thief of joy". I completely agree. If I'm always looking at how perfect your body is, I'll only see the flaws in mine. If I keep thinking about how well your jobs pays you, I'll never understand how blessed I am to even have mine. If I keep looking at how sexy your man is, I'll never appreciate how adorable my stuffed animal is. You feel me? Let me share something with ya'll. I am a penny pincher . Always have been. Now, that's not to be mistaken for cheap. Let me break it down for you: I use my money wisely. I am very aware of my financial status, whic

" Where you been? " " You never be out " " I called you earlier " " You a homebody, ain't you? " O kay. I admit. I'm a bit of an outgoing introvert. I want to be bothered when I want to be bothered. And when I don't want to be bothered, I will look at your text, phone call, Facebook message and decide if that's something that can be addressed at a later time. So ya'll already know my read receipt is not enabled on my iPhone and I will wait until that Facebook message comes to my email so that you can't tell if I've read it yet. Oh, I know how NOT to play myself. Please believe, you will not catch me slipping. You know you're a homebody when your own grandmother tries to throw shade at you. Let me tell ya'll what happened. So one night, I'm getting all dolled up because I had friends in town and we were getting ready to go out. I'm in the mirror, minding my business, unraveling the twist out. She pas

" You should check out my site, when you get a chance" "I also have a YouTube channel" "Did you read my blog yet? What did you think?" " Oh, that's wassup " is the only answer I get. Let me tell y'all something. If you can't support your significant other or the person you're dating in whatever they do, you need to keep it moving.  Unless you wanna be his trap queen, because you bout that life. Girl, please. I ain't going to jail for nobody.  We all know that it's not easy being a working artist. Hence the name " starving artists ". We can't just go to school get a degree, get a second degree, a certification and then go out into the world and apply for jobs in our field. Now, I'm not trying to throw shade at those of you who are out here corporate thuggin, because Lord knows I couldn't handle going to school 4 more times and putting in all that work like y'all did. But it gets frustrating when

" I can't stop thinking about you ", " Why do I miss you so much? ", " What's wrong with me? ", " Oh Lord, I think I done fell in love real quick " G uys, on the count of three, we're all going to chill the eff out. Ready? One. Two. Three. Deep breath in, and let it go. Now, ya'll know I'm not one to coat things in sugar, so of course, I'm going to keep it real. What if I told you, you're not in love, you're just extremely bored and vulnerable. Hold on, sit back down, just hear me out real quick. Now, before you get mad, this post is not intended to criticize your current relationship. So let's get those panties or briefs out of a bunch right now. This post is however, intended to maybe make you see things in a different light. Let's face it. If you're in your mid to late twenties or even early to mid thirties, you may be giving "settling down" more and more thought. You're seeing pe

" Hey girl, we should hang out sometime " Like, how do you ask another girl to be your friend without being awkward? Let's face it, most of the friends we had growing up, we grew apart from, had disagreements or they are a million miles away. True friends and true love have one thing in common, they are both hard to find. Sorry Drake, I can't agree with you on this one. What you mean, "No new friends"? Listen, you have to date these " potential friends " before you enter into an entire friendship with them. Not every homegirl can sit in the kitchen with you and your mama and drink wine. Not every homeboy can come through and smoke a cigar with you and your uncles. There are indeed, levels to this ish. Test it out. If you hang out with them for the first time, and the whole night, you're sitting there wishing you would have drove your own car so you can make an excuse to leave early, you can't call that homie back. TRUE STORY : There was

" Man them was some good days ". A few days ago, I discovered some old pictures on my computer and I found myself sitting there for almost two hours reminiscing on those good times I had. I'm gone keep it real with ya'll, I'm a picture hoarder. I keep everything. Baby pictures, school pictures, my mama nem pictures from before I was born, pictures with old friends, new friends, fake friends, true friends, hell, even old boo friends. That's right Kevin, you in here too. Just kidding, I never knew anyone named Kevin. Anyway, looking at those pictures made me realize how much I kind of miss how care free I was before I had some sense. Before I had responsibilities besides making sure my paper was turned in on time. Now, I wake myself up at 2am like "Dang, I wonder if that direct deposit gone hit today so I can pay everybody and they auntie", the struggle has gotten hella real. I couldn't wait to get out of school. "You can do whatever you

" Where you stay? Who you stay with ?" Well see, I live back in St. Louis and I kind of stay with my mom. But I got all my furniture from my old apartment in my room, so I kind of got my own place, you feel me? I mean, I plan on moving out real soon. I still buy my own groceries. I mean, I wash my own clothes and pay my own bills and stuff. I'm not just completely dependent on my mom. I just live in her house and have her make all of my doctor's appointments. Besides that, I'm a grown woman and I don't need no help. At least that's what I tell myself in the mirror and maybe what I tell the nosy folks that want to know what I got going on these days. Look, I'm gone keep it all the way real with ya'll. I'm 26 years old and I stay with my mama. Here's the thing, when I moved out last summer, I thought that was the end. I came home for two years, stacked my money, and left to go live my dream. So, in my mind, I was gone blow up within a year

" Yasss girl, you better do it! " or " Work, Queen! ". I can not ignore the fact that this black girl magic has taken over for the 99 and the 2000's. I mean look at us! We are being represented in all areas. From fashion, to television, to barbie dolls, and even the judicial system. I mean, we still have a long way to go, but let's talk about how we have been making it happen so far. Sistas, pour your glass of wine, cuddle up with your man, or pillow and let me tell you how you are out here KILLIN it. You know what makes me happy? The thought of being able to tell my future daughter, my nieces and all of the other little black girls, that they can be anything they want to be. Not that they couldn't before with the help of God. But now, they get to see examples of how THIS black girl is the writer of one of the biggest t.v shows, and THAT black girl is a well respected film maker, and THIS black girl has a barbie doll made in her image, etc, etc. I mea

" I need a date for Valentine's Day " or " Another Valentine's Day...Alone ." or " 2 more weeks til Valentine's Day, who's gonna be my date ?" First of all, why have we been stressing about this day since the end of December? Secondly, I need a "pre-date" before I go out with you on Valentine's Day. What if you end up being crazy? What if you're boring and I don't like you? Then when we go out, I end up seeing the guy that I really like. Now I gotta peace you out. You ain't about to mess up a potential marriage for me. Hell. As crazy as this may sound to you, I never really saw Valentine's Day as a day to be miserable and in my feelings about the man who's not here rubbing my feet. I do that on Tuesdays. I remember being a little girl seeing my daddy walk through the door with balloons, flowers, cards, teddy bears, candies and cakes for me and my mother every Valentine's Day. We could always expect

"Black guys are lazy." or "It's no good black men." or "I just don't see myself with a black man." Welp! More for me sista! These are some of the negative things that I hear on a regular. Not only coming from people of different races, but from people that look like me. Interesting. I have had these conversations more often than I'd like to admit and I always have to disagree. In a world where our black brothas are being killed, beaten and hated on, I'd like to show ya'll some love. Have a seat and let me pour you a little imaginary glass of Hennessy real quick... Now ladies, I understand. It's some real messed up brothas out here that have nothing but the worst intentions, if any at all. But don't be mistaken. I always say, idiots come in all colors, shapes and sizes. Just because you date a man of a different race, doesn't mean that you won't find those same horrible characteristics in him too. Now, don't get me

"What now?" Y'all, this has been my question of the year. If you get a magnifying glass, and look real closely at my birth certificate, you can see that it actually says Britney Annice- Procrastinator Douglas. Have a seat, I'm gone tell y'all a little short story about how sometimes I be tripping. You ready? So here's the thing. I may have mentioned before, that I kind of have a short attention span. It's nothing new. When I was a kid, my mom would give me a simple task such as, "Go downstairs, look in the freezer, take out the chicken, sit it on the counter next to the stove." I would hear the first part, but somehow, my mind would drift off towards the end. This is what I heard, "Go downstairs, look in the freezer, have a seat, think about life, eat a snack, call your friends." Five minutes later, I'm at the freezer door like, "Mom, what did you want out of here?" it drove her nuts! So now, when she gives me a task, I re

"It`s all just too much, I can't think." Hi, my name is Brit, and sometimes, I don't feel so funny. I know what you're thinking, "Come on now Britney, I didn't come here for this sad stuff, I see enough of that on Facebook." I get it man, so do I and it's extremely exhausting. But I can't turn on the TV because it's gonna be there too, if not there, it's from the people around you.The truth is, you just can't escape the world we live in and it's overwhelming. Listen, I'll be the first one to admit that I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't even have HALF of them answers. So with that being said, I didn't come on here to talk to ya'll about what "you" or "we" need to be doing. People who do that really grind my gears. Because when it all comes down to actually "doing", the only time they will even lift a finger, is to point it at you. Well, that's not helping anybody

"You okay? you wanna talk about it?" Actually, no. I'm not okay. Sure, we can talk about it, if you got some liquor. You better be treating too, since you wanna be nosy. Don't be cheap now. I'm probably sad cause I ain't got no money. You know the check be gone before the direct deposit even hit your bank account. I could probably use a hug too. I'm no doctor, but I'd say it's pretty unhealthy for one to keep their anger and emotions balled up inside of you. If nothing else, you have to at least admit to yourself that you're pissed, sad or scared, that's the first step. Now, when I encourage you to let your emotions out every once in a while, I don't mean getting on Facebook everyday and cussing out all your "haters" or cousins or posting all those god awful depressing memes that make me wonder how that dude I met at the club 6 years ago is doing. I'm saying, you should probably find that one person you can vent to, writ

"Yeah, I'm a personal trainer, nah, I don't eat meat or cake or anything else delicious." What you mean dude? But, I met you in a bakery. Oh, you were just there to buy some green juice? Why would you go to a bakery just for some healthy juice? Why won't you eat fat with me sometimes? I hate you, you sexy beast. Listen, I am a foodie. If I had money, I'd travel the world just to try delicious foods. I also love to try my hand at new recipes in my own kitchen, I don't care if it's a pastry or veggie soup, if it sounds delicious, I'll try it. I enjoy preparing dishes for my family and friends. Just the thought of me making something that they really enjoy gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Side note, why is it okay to feel fuzzy on the inside? Shouldn't you be going to see a doctor about that? Anyway, if you sexy and kind of got some sense, I might be able to heat up the stove and cook something for you. But if all you want to do is bl