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SORRY NO PETS

"Oh its okay, he`s just friendly, he`s not gonna bite ya" Mam / Sir, why isn't he on a leash? That, my friends, is one of my biggest pet peeves. Just because you love your animal, doesn't mean that I have to love your animal. What do you mean he doesn't bite? Hell, if you make me mad, I might bite. Why would I trust your pet?

I have never been one to love on creatures. I never had any pets growing up and I never wanted any. Well, at one point, we did have fish but something about fish tanks creeped me out and my flesh would crawl every time I had to walk past it. I`m not sure why, but it did and it still does. I never wanted to go to the zoo or the aquarium. The only thing I liked about the zoo was seeing the lions. I don't know, I think they remind me of some real OG`s and I respected them. Wouldn't it be gangsta of me to have a pet lion though? I`d want him to talk to me, like in Disney movies. "What you gone cook tonight girl" I want him to be from New Orleans with the accent. Not weird at all right?

I remember being at someones house once and a big nasty bug got in there. I was probably somewhere standing in a chair at this point. Anyway, when they finally caught the bug, they wanted to let it back outside into the wilderness or some crazy stuff like that. Listen, I hold grudges. That bug has to die after it just tried to come into my home and disturb the peace up in here. I keep telling y'all, these creatures don't have nothing on this rent. Dude gotta go. Where`s my Raid?

What`s even more disrespectful than a bug being in your house, is one getting in your car. I've almost crashed 2 cars in my lifetime because I do not play like that. Once was in high school. The bug was in my shirt. Luckily, my friend was with me because I was so traumatized, I couldn't even put my car in park. I stopped in the middle of the street, hopped out of my car and damn near stripped trying to get that thing off of me. My friend was out of the car yelling "Britney just take the shirt off!" and then I hear from a distance, voices yelling, "Yea! take it off!" I didn't realize we were right across from an auto shop where a group of working guys had gathered outside to get a free show. I finally pulled myself together and drove off but the whole way home I was thinking, they probably saw a boob. Glad this was before World star times.

The moral of the story is, I used to be a stripper.

Just Kidding.

-Brit




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