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WAITING SEASON


"When is it gone be my turn?"
-Me at God 3 times an hour

 When I'm traveling back and forth to St. Louis, I usually prefer to drive. Not only because I can comfortably transport 4 loads of laundry to wash for free or bring back pieces of my Mama furniture, but mainly because I can be the one in control behind the wheel. I don't have to worry about the train being delayed, who I'll have to sit next to or what I'm going to snack on because please believe, I'm pulling over for some Chick-Fil-A at some point during that road trip.

Patience has never really been my strong point. That's why this season of WAITING is killing me. Being in control has always been something that is very important to me. Now hold on... before ya'll dudes start getting scared to date me because you think that I'm controlling, let me explain myself.
Photo: I be taking these.


Sit down.

My whole life, I've always kind of felt like the underdog or late bloomer in every situation. I didn't loose my "baby weight" until mid high school (I was a chubby kid). Of all my homegirls, I was the last one to have my first boyfriend. While everyone was getting cast in college shows, I didn't get my first casting until after I graduated college. And so on and so forth. 

 I always seemed to have this feeling that I haven't truly "won" at anything yet. When I can't control my situation, I tend to remove myself from it. For example: If I get rejected for a couple of roles, I stop looking for auditions for a while and write my own stuff. If you've been getting on my nerves lately, I know I can't control you, so I remove myself from the situation before we have to throw hands. If I know I'm trying to loose weight, I remove all delicious things from my home. See what I'm saying?

Well, lately I've been learning to face the things that I can't control without just sweeping it under the rug. I've been having to go harder when I'm rejected, have hard conversations with people I don't understand and be in the same room with cake when I'm supposed to be eating salad. Because it's not always about me. Sometimes it's about learning how to be patient and be still in those moments of uncertainty.

Fam, what's the moral of this story? Well, I once asked my cousin Jade, "When will my hard work ever pay off?" She simply answered with, "All along the journey, baby". So, yes, keep waiting, keep working, appreciate those small victories because those are your "wins". Then one day, we will look up and realize we've built a whole empire.

Chill ya'll, its coming.

-BRIT


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