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OLD DOGS AND NEW TRICKS

"I need a mature man" I sure have been hearing this a lot lately. Maybe even out of my own mouth. Oops. I hate to say it but its true. They seem to be like a needle in a haystack out here. We live in a society where anything goes. Especially when it comes to dating. I mean, what is the true definition of a "date" anyway? Is that word even in our vocabulary anymore? I mean dang, let me get dressed up for you and be nervous and stuff. Nowadays, the most I need to have on is a bra and panties because you`re probably just going to ask me to come over your house anyway. What you got to eat over there? I might be able to throw on these sweat pants and be on my way. Just kidding, stop being gross and ask me out on a real date.

Okay, I admit, in a lot of ways, I am pretty old fashioned. I've been told multiple times that I have an old soul. In fact, I once tried dating a guy that really felt the need to bring that to my attention, and he wasn't nice about it at all. He insisted on having "dates" at his house and I insisted on being taken out. When I finally told him that Netflix and chill wasn't my style, he became infuriated, suggested that I was "too old fashioned, this isn't the 50`s anymore" and that I would be "single for hellas". However, two months later, the fool was in my text messages once again. I guess he figured he was going to break me one way or another. Not happening. I ran up his Netflix bill and shot up my phone because I'm a G and I don't need that type of negativity in my iPhone. I'm playing, I just deleted dude number and screen shot the texts. I keep EVERYTHING for my records, okay?

I guess my problem is, I'm just not used to dealing with that stuff. I've met so many nice young men in the past that didn't mind taking a lady on a date. What happened? All of y'all got married? Y'all got kids now? What the hell state do y'all live in? I'm about to move there.

Now, when I say I want a mature man, I really have to be careful what I ask for. I think the Lord been misunderstanding my request or something. Because I didn't want the man named Earl with the gold tooth or the man named Albert that smell like Hennessy, moth balls and my granddaddy cologne. I can deal with a guy that's old enough to clip his phone to his hip but I can't deal with dude at the wing joint wearing the blue tooth ear piece talking all loud. Like, no one knows who you're talking to, why are you doing this? I bet you he wouldn't think I`m old fashioned for wanting a date though. But then, every time I'd talk to him I would imagine him on that blue tooth ear piece. Make it stop Lord. Make it stop.

Moral of the story is, girl, get you a man with some kids your age.

Just kidding, that's disgusting.

-BRIT

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