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CRUSHES SUCK

"Aw you have a crush on him? I`m gone hook y'all up" Look, I`m a grown woman, I don't need anybody to hook me up. If I like someone, I`ll tell them myself. We are not in high school anymore, I got this. I know how to speak up for myself. Just kidding, I`m just going to stalk them on social media, hide in the bushes when they pass by, write their name in cursive 100 times, and cry myself to sleep at night.

So here`s the thing, it`s very, very rare that I will have an actual crush on someone. I often find people attractive or interesting, but a crush? That`s totally different in my opinion. To admire someone from a far. Everything about them. Not just their appearance but their character and the way they handle things and seem to go about life (Let me know if this starts to get too weird for you). It takes a lot more than a beautiful smile and some well groomed facial hair to get my attention. I mean, that`s a good start, but its not the whole package. Like, dang, can you do any tricks young man?

Other people telling my crush about me has never worked in my favor. I usually just end up denying it and leaving them confused as to why someone would lie to them about that. Or I`ll just run away and pretend it never even happened, I hated the 8th grade. As I got older, I saw how things would work out for themselves if you just get out of your own way. I remember having a crush on someone for two years during college. When I finally got close to him and got to know him, I hated him. Don`t get me wrong though, he`s still very sexy and if he grows up, we can go out to eat. I hope he got some money though, I`m not paying.

Look, all I`m saying is, the best things happen naturally. Don`t force it. If you're that pushy friend that cant wait to open your mouth and make an awkward situation for everyone, please have several seats. You're doing too much. All you need to do is make sure my hair and makeup is on point when you know there is a chance I might see him. And make sure you have some extra mints in your purse for me. You know I be forgetting my mints when I switch purses. And make sure he`s not stupid. I don`t have time to hate nobody, but I will shoot him in his pinkie toe if he don't know how to act.

-BRIT

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