Britney Annice

"New year, new me" don't ya'll start with that this year. It's the same you. By March, you gone be back to cussing people out again even though you said no profanity in 2016. You ain't fooling nobody. And I'm gone be over here eating donuts and putting the gym off. Guys, let's not lie to ourselves in 2016, okay? Instead of focusing on what we want to change about 2015, let's take a moment to reflect on some of the awesome moments of this year that we enjoyed. Hey, maybe some of the not so awesome things we remember too. I'll go first. For me, 2015 has been a huge learning experience. I really got to know myself even more and I also grew to love myself a little deeper too. Even when my eyebrows aren't done. I started off my 2015 ending a relationship, but beginning a new journey with myself and God. I wish God could rub a sista feet after work though, or gone and send the brotha that can. I'm not rubbing his feet though, man feet be ...

"By the time I'm 25, I'll probably be married, with kids, a house and at least two years into my career." Like, who did we think we were back then? I don't even want any children right now. I'm scared to live in a house by myself. How did we have such high expectations for ourselves? Why were we talking about age 25 like it was age 45? See, we set our selves up for "failure" a long time ago. Show me a person who has their ish together at 25 and I will show you a drug dealer, a liar, a con artist or a phony. Or maybe a pro ball player or basketball wife. Maybe I'll show you that. Whatever. As I slowly creep into my late twenties, I start to feel worried and anxious about what's next. How am I going to progress? What can I do differently this year to make me more successful than last year? What kind of wine should I drink with my friends tonight? You know, life changing decisions. However, one of the most beautiful things about life, whether ...

"What's the name of that color you have on your lips? What is your make-up routine" Listen, the only make-up routine I have, is to hurry up and do the basics before I go to work in the morning and usually put my lipstick on in the car because I haven't eaten yet. Ya'll know I wake up at the last minute and eat breakfast on the way, I likes my sleep. For the past few years there's been this whole make-up craze going on. I mean there are YouTube tutorials, Instagram pages and entire careers dedicated to just doing make-up. I have to say, I have been very impressed and I have also learned a lot. There are so many different ways to apply so many different types of make-up. But let me tell ya'll something, I don't have time for all of that. I see women putting themselves through a 20 step routine every single day. Meanwhile, I'm sitting over here like, "what the hell does contour mean?". Don't get me wrong, when I'm getting ready for...

"If you like that dude, why don't you just gone head and tell him?" First of all, no thank you. Secondly, what do I look like putting myself out there like that? I mean, I'm a lady. I sit back and let them come to me if they choose to do so. Plus, I'm really awkward sometimes and I never know what to do with my hands. Now, if I mess around and my hands accidentally grab his booty, I'm wrong. Ya'll, I don't have time for no sexy dude to be mad at me. You may often hear me talk about my awkwardness and shyness throughout my posts, but I don't think you really understand where I'm coming from. Let me explain. Number one, it's very rare that I have a crush on someone. I've mentioned this before in a previous blog (See "Crushes Suck"). Reason being, I have a short attention span. Any attractive man can catch my eye, but it takes a great personality, intelligence, good conversation and a list of other characteristics to keep my at...

"Where you working now?... That seems like a cool job. How much you get paid?" How much does is cost to get you out of my business? Now ya'll should be ashamed of yourselves. I know your mother taught you better than that. Guys, you never ask someone their salary. I mean dang, if you are really that intrigued by how much I'm bringing home, look it up on google. Why ya'll so nosy? People can be so bold. So one day, I'm at work, this lady walks up to me and starts up a casual conversation. It seemed harmless at first so I didn't mind, plus, small talk always makes the time go by faster. She goes on to tell me that it seems like I have a pretty cool job and then, asks me "How much you get paid here?" Now, it took me a minute to process her question but the quickest response I could think of was to ask her the exact same thing, I responded, "I don't know, how much do they pay you at your job?" Suddenly, it seemed as if I was invading ...

" Hey, you at home? Cause I'm outside" Why do people do this? Now, if I come to the door in my drawls and t-shirt, I'm wrong. You don't know what I got going on in here. You can't just decide that you gone pop up at my house because you happen to be in the neighborhood. I will peek out the window, make eye contact with you and go on about my business, until you learn how to call somebody first. Nah, maybe I'm not that petty, but I will act like I`m not home because most likely, I am in my drawls and t-shirt. What? Don't act like you don't do it too. Okay I hear you, sometimes, it may be an emergency. Like, you may be running from someone or something, maybe you have to use the restroom really badly and my house is closer than yours, maybe your car ran out of gas up the street and you walked here, and maybe while all of this was happening, your phone died. Hey, I'm just examining all of the possibilities as to why you on my porch and I haven...

"I be following you on your little blog and stuff" I always get that when I see y'all in person and it makes me so happy. I`m so glad that somebody is paying attention to me because y'all know I'm kind of needy. Okay, so its been over two weeks since I've posted anything. Y'all, I had to take a little break, step back, re-group and drink some wine. As 2015 comes to an end, I have been allowing myself to reflect on all of the things that I've experienced, the people I've crossed paths with and most importantly, the things that I have learned. I also had to clean up my room cause it was still looking like I just moved in. Anyway, one of the most important things that I've learned is how to be selfish. Wait a minute, stay with me I want to tell you exactly what I mean by that. Now, when I talk about being selfish, I don't mean eating the last piece of chicken when you know good and well your mama ain't had none yet. I`m talking about mak...

"I need a mature man" I sure have been hearing this a lot lately. Maybe even out of my own mouth. Oops. I hate to say it but its true. They seem to be like a needle in a haystack out here. We live in a society where anything goes. Especially when it comes to dating. I mean, what is the true definition of a "date" anyway? Is that word even in our vocabulary anymore? I mean dang, let me get dressed up for you and be nervous and stuff. Nowadays, the most I need to have on is a bra and panties because you`re probably just going to ask me to come over your house anyway. What you got to eat over there? I might be able to throw on these sweat pants and be on my way. Just kidding, stop being gross and ask me out on a real date. Okay, I admit, in a lot of ways, I am pretty old fashioned. I've been told multiple times that I have an old soul. In fact, I once tried dating a guy that really felt the need to bring that to my attention, and he wasn't nice about it at al...

"Ugh, I`m so bored, let me call somebody and see if they wanna go out" Let me tell y`all something, sometimes its better to just stay your tail at the house, okay? You know you don't have that much gas anyway. You gotta get to work the rest of the week and you don't get paid til Friday, plus, you don't have food at the house so you got to buy lunch on Wednesday. Trust me, you gone be hella mad if you go out and its wack. Now, you done spent too much money on long island ice teas trying to tolerate the horrible night you're having or the horrible person you're hanging out with. That drink ain't strong enough man, it ain't strong enough. I saw a meme that tickled my soul. It said "You ever be chilling with somebody, and the whole time, you thinking about never chilling with them again?" That meme was almost too real. Now, I`m not usually the type that hangs out with just anybody, but in the past years, Ive become more open minded or bore...

"Man, I can't wait to get a car" Hey, be careful what you wish for. Don`t get me wrong, my car is a HUGE blessing. I`m so glad that I`m not walking in the cold or having no other choice but to catch the bus or the train. I mean, of course, public transportation is not as big in St. Louis as it is in Chicago, so I kind of had no choice no matter what. But why y'all ain't tell me how expensive these little four wheel monsters were. I thought all I had to do was look sexy in it, wash it, and have a couple extra dollars to feed it some gas. I was wrong. My parents and grandparents used to always use this one particular phrase that stuck with me my whole life, "Keep on livin". Whenever I felt like I`d had enough with life or if I fixed my mouth to say what I would never do, they`d hit me with that. Ya`ll, I thought I had enough at 15. Well, I`m here to tell you, 26 is a trip. I think this is the year of enlightenment for me. Or either it`s the year that I ...

"Aw you have a crush on him? I`m gone hook y'all up" Look, I`m a grown woman, I don't need anybody to hook me up. If I like someone, I`ll tell them myself. We are not in high school anymore, I got this. I know how to speak up for myself. Just kidding, I`m just going to stalk them on social media, hide in the bushes when they pass by, write their name in cursive 100 times, and cry myself to sleep at night. So here`s the thing, it`s very, very rare that I will have an actual crush on someone. I often find people attractive or interesting, but a crush? That`s totally different in my opinion. To admire someone from a far. Everything about them. Not just their appearance but their character and the way they handle things and seem to go about life (Let me know if this starts to get too weird for you). It takes a lot more than a beautiful smile and some well groomed facial hair to get my attention. I mean, that`s a good start, but its not the whole package. Like, dang, can...

"Why don't y'all come on over for Thanksgiving?" The answer is probably no or we will see. Guys, brace yourselves, the holiday season is upon us again. I know, I know, you probably think it`s a little early to be talking about Thanksgiving. We haven't even gotten past Halloween yet, but this is the time I look forward to the most. I get to be around family, friends and most importantly, I get to eat! It`s the one day of the year when you don't have to feel bad for digging in. Yes, I know the history behind this day, but to me, it means spending time with loved ones and reflecting on all of the things I have to be thankful for. Besides, I`m not super creative when it comes to Halloween costumes. I`d probably just wear my panties and bra and call myself a Victoria Secret angel like I see the other girls do. Or maybe a sexy waitress, a sexy nurse, or a sexy infant. Y'all will make anything sexy huh? There wasn't anything sexy about me when I was an infant...

"No, it's cool, I`ll drive" Listen, depending on who I`m with, I like to be in control. I`m not one of those people with a large circle of friends. I am very picky about the people that I choose to kick it with. I've been in too many situations where I was stuck somewhere with a group of people, but I was the only one who was ready to go home. Story of my life. I`m always ready to go home. The food is free and the sheets is warm! As I've mentioned before, when living in Chicago, I had no car. Now that I look back, that was a blessing and burden at the same time. I walked EVERYWHERE. I took the trains, buses and cabs anywhere I wanted to go. Y'all know my calf muscles was on point, right? I hated waiting in the cold for the train or walking in bad weather, but man, I had my little grocery cart that I put together myself with the wheels on it. I`d roll that joker down the street with them groceries so good, I made being car-less look cool. I didn't have to...

"Oh my goodness, your hair is so cute, did you cut it?" or "You have some really fun hair!" Oh how interesting it is to be a black woman wearing her natural hair. Look how far we have come. But, look how far we still have left to go. Let me tell y'all something, it is hard enough to find love for yourself, as a woman in a world where they think its only one type of beauty, but, to be not only a woman, but a black woman? Tuh! You got to dig deep because they aren't serving those compliments up on a silver platter to us. Well, somebody was serving something up on a platter to us because where did we get these hips, lips, and thighs from girl? Fellas, don't leave, I think y'all can enjoy this post too. Don't you want to get in touch with your feminine side? Don't cry though. Man tears make me awkward. Now if you were a little black kid in the 90`s or you were just a kid that paid attention to commercials, you remember the hair product called ...

"So how old are you? Do you have kids? What`s your Facebook?" At this day in age, it is almost second nature to ask for a person`s social media when you first meet them. If they don`t have it, be honest, you're giving them the side eye. Dude, my mom has Facebook and you're like 30 years younger than her. What you hiding homie? Look, I've been through enough in my life to know that if you cant google them you cant trust them. Come on, I know you got a Linked In account or something. A old myspace? Something! Its some traces of you on the Internet somewhere and I`m going to find them (EVIL LAUGH). Now don't get me wrong, I grew up during the time when computers and technology were just starting to rear its ugly head. I remember when my mom first help me set up my own email account (which I still use til this day). Then, I found out that I could instant message my friends through the computer. I was blown away! And you better believe my parents were standing ri...

"Maybe I should go to bar tending school. I think I`d be good at that." So, I guess I`m at this really weird stage in my life where I feel like I should have a back up plan, for my back up plan. Ya know, just in case something doesn't work out. Well, I haven't quite had anything that has "worked out" yet, but see, I kind of have this dream of paying my bills by entertaining people for a living. Or I could just give it all up, marry a ball player, be a real housewife of St. Louis and fight other women on T.V, we`ll see what happens. After college, I got my first full time job as a teacher. I thought that was the smartest move to make because I figured, I`d teach in the day and audition in the evening. Wrong, for so many different reasons. My days as a teacher were long, there was no time for auditions and I honestly didn't really care for it anyway. I totally switched back up plans and went a whole different route with job choices. Most of my jobs have ...

"You never know who's watching you" I was always told this as a child. Most of the time, I think it was to creep me out and scare me into believing that my parents would find out what I did even if I thought no one saw me. Mission accomplished. But, as I got older, that saying meant so much more. Like now, I feel like it means, your ex is probably creeping on your social media, so don't post any ugly pictures. Just kidding, there's a real point to this blog post. They say (whoever "they" is) that you may go through a quarter life crisis at 25. Well, I thought it skipped me because I was actually having the time of my life at 25. Things were moving along great! At least I thought so. But then I turned 26. *DUN DUN* (that's the Law and Order sound.) I swear to you, within that first week of me being 26, everything around me started going crazy. Well, to start it off, I came home to my LA apartment after traveling for work, only to get comfortable, go i...

September 24, 2008. For a long time, this was a sad day for me. Year after year, I made it a point to come home and be with my mother on this day no matter where I was. After a while, life wouldn't allow me to always share this day with family or even go to the cemetery to speak to my daddy. When I wasn't around family to talk about him or to visit him, I felt like I wasn't doing enough to acknowledge him because I never want him to be forgotten. But who was I kidding? If you EVER met Laster Douglas, that is a meeting that you will always remember. Y'all, my daddy was hella extra. Today marks seven years that I've lost him in his physical presence, but he continues to live in my heart. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think of him and some of the ridiculous stuff that he used to say. I`m pretty sure my dad was a stand up comedian in a previous life. My mother is more of the laid back type. So, that makes me a perfect mix between the two. ...

" #GymLife " Okay we get it, you work out. Fit is the new fabulous. Yes, your meal prep dishes are beautiful. We see you, checking in at the gym every night. That's awesome. Working out is good for you. I`m happy that you are in tune with your body and living a healthy lifestyle. However, I just had a really rough day and I`m about to go indulge in a box of a dozen different types of donuts. No, I haven't been to the gym today, nor do I plan on working out. I`m just gonna go home, eat these donuts, and blog about how I hate working out and you better not say nothing about it. I've never really been the type to work out. I've been pretty active off and on throughout my life so I never had a desire to go to the gym. In 6th and 7th grade I got into sports. I played volleyball, which I really enjoyed, and basketball, which was fun, minus all that running back and forth on the court. I also danced from the age of 10 to 18. I actually thought that I was going to h...

"You don't have kids yet? That`s rare." I`m 26, never been married, engaged, or even close, why is that so rare? In my opinion, I`m just getting started with my own life. Okay maybe not JUST getting started but I`m still in my prime. Like, I`m working on myself. Look, I just don't have the money for any extra people, okay? Ive reached the age where I`m starting to see many of my peers in my news feeds getting married and having children. Meanwhile, I'm over here stalking this sexy dude on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Myspace. (Don't act like y'all don't remember Myspace.) Marriage is a beautiful thing. I enjoy looking at everyone`s wedding photos and thinking about how I`m going to steal some of those ideas for myself one day. I`m also looking at the groomsmen to see if any of them are sexy. Don't be surprised if I show up to your reception uninvited trying to catch the bouquet. As long as dude doesn't have any kids. Listen, don't g...

"Nothing like a man in a suit" You can hear this in most conversations between women. I would have to agree. There is nothing like a man in a suit, a well tailored suit that is. Okay, I know what you might be thinking, here goes Britney being critical of appearance again. But hear me out guys, there`s a way to do everything. Your pants in ya booty or below it, is not the way. I`m not proud of some of the things I did in my earlier years when I was out here thinking that I knew everything. One of those things is dating those guys that, ya know, are a little rough around the edges. Excuse me, A LOT of rough around the edges. Its not that I didn't want to date a nice guy. I actually would like to take all of the guys I've dated and wrap them up into one big, sloppy, sexy, handsome man. Like, he wears tailored suits during the week, basketball shorts with a hint of sag at night and slightly skinny jeans on Saturdays. I don't know, somewhere on a scale from gangst...

"Oh its okay, he`s just friendly, he`s not gonna bite ya" Mam / Sir, why isn't he on a leash? That, my friends, is one of my biggest pet peeves. Just because you love your animal, doesn't mean that I have to love your animal. What do you mean he doesn't bite? Hell, if you make me mad, I might bite. Why would I trust your pet? I have never been one to love on creatures. I never had any pets growing up and I never wanted any. Well, at one point, we did have fish but something about fish tanks creeped me out and my flesh would crawl every time I had to walk past it. I`m not sure why, but it did and it still does. I never wanted to go to the zoo or the aquarium. The only thing I liked about the zoo was seeing the lions. I don't know, I think they remind me of some real OG`s and I respected them. Wouldn't it be gangsta of me to have a pet lion though? I`d want him to talk to me, like in Disney movies. "What you gone cook tonight girl" I want him to ...

"Attach resume file or upload and populate the fields" Of course, you chose to populate the fields, because you thought that once you did that, you'll be able to just glide through the application. Wrong. They don't populate those fields, and if they do, all of the words are in the wrong places and you have to fix it yourself anyway. I usually just end up throwing my computer against the wall and going to bed. I thought I did the right thing. I graduated from high school, went to college, got my degree and got a full time job as a Toddler teacher in Chicago right after graduation. Let me tell you something, I LOVE kids, but not that much. That job took over my life. I worked long hours and I never had any time to go to auditions. I was miserable because I knew that I wanted to do more. So I moved back home to St. Louis and ended up having 3 jobs at one time just to have some flexibility and make ends meet. It was fun! I didn't have rent to pay, I was traveling a...

"Well, I guess I`m gone get on off of here." That line is my go to line for ending phone conversations. When I do that, I`m giving you the cue to go ahead and wrap up this story about how you hate your job. I get it, that`s a never ending story, but I have to be up at 7 AM to go to my crappy job. Yes, I know its 3 PM but I`m just ready to get off the phone. Why y'all so long winded? When I was in high school, I could see my friends all day, pass notes all through class and STILL want to come home and hold conversations with them for the rest of the evening. Now, I cant even remember to text them and let them know I made it in the house safe after a night out. I always get the "Well damn, I hope you're alive" text, after I've been home for two hours, had a shower and watched an old episode of Fresh Prince. Guys, those are the people you want to have in your life. The people that want to get that "I made it home safe" text. If they pull off whe...

"After today, I`m deleting my page" Man sit your ass down (dude off of Martin voice). We all know that you're gonna be right back here next week telling us about how you're letting go of the fake people in your life, your boyfriend getting on your nerves, these girls be tripping or posting that pointless selfie of you in the bed. I see that junkie room behind you. You could of at least folded that laundry first. Okay I get it. We all need a little social media detox every now and then. Even me. It seems like people have become numb to seeing horrible images of fighting, killing, violence and hate being displayed right in their news feeds. Its sickening. And then there`s the booty pictures. Yes, we all have some saved in our camera roll but that doesn't mean you have to post it. Mam, don't look at me like that, I know you took a booty picture and sent it to your husband while he was at the office. Y'all nasty. I often find myself desiring that detox as ...

"So are you scared to kiss?" Guys, I`m the most awkward actress when it comes to love scenes. I know what you're thinking. "You're a comedic actress, why are you doing love scenes?", the answer is, because I`m sexy and desirable and dudes want to kiss me on camera. No seriously, I do a lot more than comedy. Making people laugh just happens to be one of my strong points. I am always open to more serious roles and I can do a pretty good job, if I say so myself! I've played everything from an old lady, to an old man, to a sexy new girl on the job (that was back when I could still fit them Abercrombie jeans). Oh my gosh y'all, let me tell you about the first time I had to kiss a guy on stage. First of all, I had a crush on him to begin with. My teacher grouped us together on purpose and gave us a scene as husband and wife. Our first day of rehearsal he asks me, "So are you scared to kiss?" In the back of my head I'm like "Yeah, we ...

"Man, you better get on her, you know it`s cuffing season" Are y'all for real? You out here dedicating an entire season to getting you a boo? Okay, I get it, its cold outside, you want someone to cuddle up and stay in the house with you while you whip up that nasty potato salad for Christmas (we don`t want to see those Instagram pictures this year, okay?). Why not look for that year round significant other? Hell, you know that rent is expensive anyway. Just kidding, that`s horrible. Don't just get in a relationship with someone for a second income. It`s nothing wrong with being single during cuffing season. Look at the bright side; you get to spend all of your Christmas money on yourself. You can finally get that big flat screen you wanted with that refund check. You don't have to drive in the snow to go see anybody. You don't have to pretend to like his auntie trifling green beans. And you don't have to worry about trying to find an affordable pair of k...